Jessica ended up in a juvenile detention center for about 90 days and so began my Dad's weekends trips to visit Jessica in whatever jail, prison, rehab, and halfway house that followed over the next seven years. One night my Dad drove over fifteen (15) hours to Alabama to pick Jessica up after she stole a car from someone that she used with. Once they made it back to our home in South Carolina she disappeared again.

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Jessica was finally forced into her first inpatient rehabilitation center by the judicial system. Jessica had been charged with habitual shoplifting, grand larceny and several varying drug charges in several different counties in our state. The Court sentenced to five (5) years of incarceration, suspended upon her successful completion of the YOA Program a/ka/ "Baby Life." This meant that Jessica, had to complete one (1) successful year of intensive probation and if she violated her probation she would have to serve a year in prison and upon her release she had to complete one (1) successful year of probation and if she violated probation it was back to prison for another year and the cycle started over and over until she had served five (5) years in prison. Jessica, thrived in rehabilitation center and worked the 12 steps as hard as she could. Jessica was only a couple of weeks away from completing the program and was kicked out for fraternizing with another patient. My parents quickly found an Oxford House and Jessica lived there for one day before she was kicked out for failing a drug test.

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Jessica returned home after being kicked out of the Oxford House and stayed for a couple of weeks. She found a job and talked about going to back school. One day when I came home from school Jessica, was gone. She rode away on my brother's bicycle and never came back. It was then my Dad stopped sleeping. The days, weeks, and months passed and we had no idea where Jessica was. We constantly checked her social media pages to ensure she was still alive. Every now and then she would call and let us know that she was ok, but would not be coming home. She knew she had violated her probation and would be going to prison.

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In the summer of 2016, Jessica, fell off of a homemade zip line and broke her back in multiple places and underwent two extensive surgeries. While in the hospital we learned that Jessica had Endocarditis and she would need IV antibiotic treatments for no less than six (6) weeks. This meant that Jessica had to stay in the hospital for six (6) weeks because the hospital could not release an IV drug user with a direct line in her arm. Those words IV drug user played

over and over in my head. My sister could not be an IV drug user. She was beautiful and loved to get dressed up and wear makeup. We never saw any marks or bruising on her arms. Jessica did always seem to have issues with her feet, chronic athlete's foot is what she claimed. My family took turns visiting Jessica in the hospital trying to keep her spirits up while her back healed and she received the antibiotic treatments. I would go visit and we spent hours talking, laughing and taking selfies just like sisters do. We tried to ignore the elephant in the room about why she had to stay in the hospital for so long and we never made mention of the house arrest bracelet she wore on her ankle.

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Jessica did not stay in the hospital and complete her treatment. She cut the ankle bracelet off and had the medical staff remove the port and simply walked away. Jessica was gone for several months and she barely communicated with our family. We saw her a few times, briefly but the person I saw was not my sister. One of those times Jessica, was wearing no shoes and said that she had no shoes. My Dad took off his shoes and gave them to her. (Jessica had unusually large feet for a girl) As always, we tried to talk Jessica about turning herself in and getting her legal troubles behind her so she could start fresh. She always refused. For whatever the reason Jessica, always went back to the same store to shoplift from and she always got caught. In true Jessica, fashion she was arrested for shoplifting and was sent to prison for a year. That first year of prison my parents and grandparents went to visit Jessica almost every single weekend. They all kept money on her commissary account and she called home often. My parents began building a wardrobe for Jessica, so she would have everything she needed when she was released from prison.

Jessica thrived in prison and was "my sister again." She worked and went to classes and made lots of friends. Her letters home was filled with apologies, plans and dreams for her future. The day she was released from prison my oldest sister, Jade, and I were there to pick her up. We all three were overjoyed to be together again. Jessica, was able to spend one night at home before she went to a sober living house in Columbia, South Carolina, almost 100 miles away from home. The requirements of Jessica's probation determined where she lived.

 

The sober living house was beautiful and in the center of everything. Jessica quickly acclimated herself and got a job at a chicken farm. For months things went so well. Jessica attended NA meetings and was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first time in a long time. We visited with her on the weekends and life felt normal for the first time in a very long time. I can clearly remember my Dad and a few of the other "old timers" in those NA meetings saying, "Anything you put in front of your recovery, you will lose." Jessica slowly began putting things in front of her recovery, like her job and boyfriends. Those old familiar signs of Jessica using again began popping up. Jessica stopped calling or would take forever to return a phone call. She made excuses for why she didn't have time to visit with us on the weekends. She kept "losing" her phone and began asking for money. One night she called and told us she had been kicked out of the sober living house for smoking marijuana. We later learned she had been taking pills and was belligerent with the other house members and staff that night.

 

The staff at the sober living house found bottles of "clean urine" that Jessica, had been using to pass drug screens. In all honesty, we probably knew she was long before we allowed ourselves to believe it. Jessica immediately disappeared and was missing for over six (6) months. Jessica, was arrested in a small town in the middle of nowhere Georgia for possession of methamphetamine. Jessica's probation officer who now seems like family made the long trip to pick her up. Jessica returned to prison for another year. This time we were not sad about her return to prison we were mad and terrified and knew that if she did not get help, she would die. Once again, she thrived in prison and got her high school diploma scoring higher on tests than anyone in the institution. She entered a drug rehabilitation program in prison and sought counseling. She seemed serious this time and determined to stay clean and make it work.

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Jessica, was released from prison and history repeated itself to the point it is frightening. Jessica's roommates from the sober living house she was residing in found her drugs and needles on a table outside of the house one morning. Jessica was inside passed out with the door wide open. Jessica was kicked out of the sober living house and was sent to an inpatient rehabilitation center for 30 days. During that stay she called one time to ask for cigarettes. You see, she was very angry at us because we confronted her about using again just days before she got caught with drugs. Jessica called our parents on the day she was released from rehab and then again on April 11, 2020. She made it clear she had no intentions of coming home or going back to a sober living house. On April 12, 2020, Easter Sunday, the police went to my oldest sister's house and told her that Jessica had passed away that morning around 6:00 a.m. in a hotel room alone. Jessica died from a deadly dose of fentanyl laced heroin. The man with Jessica when she died left her there alone after she died and she was found by the cleaning crew. The man with Jessica could not be connected to bringing her the drugs that took her life. This man does have pending drug distribution charges in other counties in our state. My mom wrote letters to the solicitors in those counties letting them know he left in that hotel room.

Jessica was a little over a month away from turning 24 years old when she died. It was weeks and weeks before I felt like I could catch my breath again. It didn't seem real then and sometime now a year and few months later it doesn't seem real. I catch myself wanting to call or text her when something funny happens or when my older sister and brother make me mad. Jessica always took up for me, and called me, "her little baby."

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This has been a year of first for our family. I hated the empty chair at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I longed for Christmas Eve nights when me and my sisters and brother would stay up all night too excited to sleep and waiting for a somewhat decent hour to wake up our parents. We NEVER gave up hope we NEVER gave up on Jessica.

I believe in tragic situations that you look for people going through what you are. At least that is how it worked for our family. We found out there was a national Overdose Awareness Day and wanted to be a part of that. We found nothing within 100 miles of where we lived to participate amidst a pandemic. So, we planned our own event and held a, "Walk for Overdose Awareness" here in our town on August 27, 2020. To our surprise over 100 people joined us in that walk. I read a short essay I wrote about Jessica at the end of the walk and we all lit candles in honor of those who lost their life. It was the beginning of something far greater than we could have ever imagined.

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During that walk my family and I met a harm reductionist who was running a non-profit organization in the town where we live. The organization provides Narcan and clean using supplies to the people that need them. We jumped in head first. We enlisted other members of our family to put together harm reduction kits and Naloxone kits. The spare room in our house serves as a harm reduction factory. Our goal is very simple. We don't want anyone else to die. We don't want any other family to endure the pain that we have. We meet people right where they are in the midst of their addiction and provide them supplies and let them know that we CARE and we are here for them no matter what. If they are ready for recovery, we led them in that direction. In one year, we can report 368 overdose reversals as of May 25, 2021. The non-profit was recently donated a bus that is parked in certain areas once a week to hand out harm reductions supplies and Narcan. Another agency joins us each week that provides free HIV and Hepatitis testing. The bus has been lovingly named, Jessie Mae, after my sister. Jessica's signature is on the back window of the bus as a constant reminder. Our Walk for Overdose Awareness is scheduled this year on August 27, 2021. Some days it is hard for me to believe we are part of something so amazing.

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I have been accepted to the College of Charleston, the school I have dreamed of attending since I was 7 years old. I just graduated from Pickens High School with honors. I served as 2021 Senior Class President and have been a member of the BETA Club for 5 years. I was inducted into the National Career and Technology Association last year. I graduated from high school as a licensed Certified Nursing Assistant and will pursue a degree in the medical field. However, I know I will never stop working with harm reduction and I will strive to be part of the change. I will be the first in my immediate family to attend college. I don't know if it is permitted but, I have attached a few pictures of our Walk for Overdose Awareness and the bus, mainly because I am just so proud of them.

I hope Jessica is proud of me.